BREAKING: We're Doing A Bad Job
After soliciting information from the public regarding the quality of our reporting and taking an honest look at what we’ve done in the past hour, we have learned that not only is our coverage substandard, but atrocious. Sources confirmed that, if we’re being honest, we have done nothing but waste your time. Moreover, reports indicate that nothing will actually be worth reporting until the second bombing suspect is apprehended or killed.Also note the satirical Op-Ed "by" Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President Of The National Rifle Association, I Won.
The truth is, you never had a fucking chance. I had Congress in my back pocket the entire time, and so when that big gun control proposal reared its ugly head, we gradually chipped away at it, snipping away provisions for an assault rifle ban and restrictions on high-capacity magazines until all that was left was the idea of expanding background checks to keep military-grade killing implements from falling into the hands of criminals and the mentally unhinged, a relatively innocuous measure supported by 90 percent of Americans.During edX section meeting the morning, our TA held the section from her apartment because Boston was on lockdown. Another student said that the police helicopters were flying over her area looking for the fugitive.
And, because I was winning by such a large margin at that point and was on my way to a blowout victory, even that tiny little provision didn’t stand a chance at being passed into law. In fact, it couldn’t even clear a minor procedural hurdle. Hell, legislators from both sides of the aisle came together yesterday and crushed it right out of the gate, making me, and the groups that finance me, very, very happy.
I think that what Boston has experienced this week*is* horrible. But, I would also like to point out that police helicopters fly nightly over parts of Los Angeles looking for armed and dangerous murderers and that doesn't make national news. I covered this in Our Children so you know where I stand.
Just in case you haven't had your fill of news, may I suggest:
- The American midwest faces serious flooding (and tornados) over the weekend due to the confluence of a line of severe thunderstorms during the height of the spring snowmelt season. April is peak tornado season in north America because the (gulf) lower level jet encroaches further north as the sea surface temperatures warm and the polar jet stream dips further south as the polar stratospheric jet breaks up each polar dawn.
- For the Love of God, Just Call It a Filibuster
- Opposition: March deadliest month in Syrian civil war: A human rights group says that over 6000 people, 1/3 of them civilians were killed in March 2013. The UN says that the numbers may be even higher.
- Mexico government downplays deadly violence: The drug war death toll is virtually unchanged over last year, which was a record-setting year. 914 people were murdered in the short month of February 2013 alone. "Because governments have been reluctant to release homicide statistics — Calderon's administration deliberately concealed them — the Mexican public has relied largely on counts by national newspapers." BTW, Mexicans are mainly murdered with guns purchased in the US and then exported to Mexico.
- The LA Coroner's office has stopped releasing data as well. Yup, if the data is embarrassing, then let's just sweep it under the rug.