Friday, April 19, 2013

The Onion Nails It

This is the bestest front page I saw all week.

Pay particular attention to the center column of "Recent News"

Scroll down further to see BREAKING: We're Doing A Bad Job
After soliciting information from the public regarding the quality of our reporting and taking an honest look at what we’ve done in the past hour, we have learned that not only is our coverage substandard, but atrocious. Sources confirmed that, if we’re being honest, we have done nothing but waste your time. Moreover, reports indicate that nothing will actually be worth reporting until the second bombing suspect is apprehended or killed.
Also note the satirical Op-Ed "by" Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President Of The National Rifle Association, I Won.
The truth is, you never had a fucking chance. I had Congress in my back pocket the entire time, and so when that big gun control proposal reared its ugly head, we gradually chipped away at it, snipping away provisions for an assault rifle ban and restrictions on high-capacity magazines until all that was left was the idea of expanding background checks to keep military-grade killing implements from falling into the hands of criminals and the mentally unhinged, a relatively innocuous measure supported by 90 percent of Americans.

And, because I was winning by such a large margin at that point and was on my way to a blowout victory, even that tiny little provision didn’t stand a chance at being passed into law. In fact, it couldn’t even clear a minor procedural hurdle. Hell, legislators from both sides of the aisle came together yesterday and crushed it right out of the gate, making me, and the groups that finance me, very, very happy.
During edX section meeting the morning, our TA held the section from her apartment because Boston was on lockdown.  Another student said that the police helicopters were flying over her area looking for the fugitive.

I think that what Boston has experienced this week*is* horrible.  But, I would also like to point out that police helicopters fly nightly over parts of Los Angeles looking for armed and dangerous murderers and that doesn't make national news.  I covered this in Our Children so you know where I stand.

Just in case you haven't had your fill of news, may I suggest:

It's time for the silent majority to stand up and hold our elected officials accountable.


  1. They didn't shut down DC metro area when we had the DC snipers either. And they shot people in parking lots all around me! I was also distressed to hear GOP Senators advocating disregarding the Bill of Rights after the boy was captured.

  2. such a terrible week where we, the people, showed our best side, while the media continued to deteriorate into a gossip mill. oy. thank goodness for The Onion, indeed!

  3. I'm so glad I'm not the only one with these thoughts. Yes, it was a horrible, terrible thing no denying that. But wow.


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